Release Your BUT

Today, I want to Spark Your Happy by encouraging you to let go of your BUT.

Do you ever think you could be happier if your circumstances were different? You’d like to be happier, except that you tense up at the thought of just letting yourself be happy. You blame your unhappiness on a crappy childhood, a horrible break up, or the people who have convinced you that you have a lousy disposition. You accept the idea that you’ll never be as happy as you think you should be. You wish your life was better in some way then you could feel happier. You tend to set your happiness based on something in the future.

• I will be happy BUT I have a boss, spouse, or partner who makes my life miserable.
• I will be happy BUT first, I have to land my dream job or take my dream vacation.
• I would like to be happy BUT people have told me I was born this way and take after my SOB of a great grandfather.
• I will be happy BUT first, I have to lose weight, get fit, conquer this disease.
• I will be happy BUT I’ve got to keep working this job I hate in order to get my kids through college.
• I will be happy BUT first, I have to make more money, be more successful, make a will. Retire. Die.

Stop a sec. Think of your own or someone else’s newborn baby. Think about how you feel toward that infant. People are naturally drawn to babies. They begin to talk baby talk and make exaggerated facial expressions. Doesn’t that memory make you smile? When the baby wiggles, smiles, blows bubbles, or coos, we all go gaga. Right? Even watching a baby sleep makes us feel happy.

           

I believe we are born happy. Happiness draws people to one another. When we keep ruminating on some unfortunate event or get caught up in the busyness of our lives, we tend to lose touch with our natural state of happiness. Once that occurs, we simply need to rediscover and reconnect with that natural state.

           

How do I do that you might ask?

           

Well, what would happen if you let go of reaching for happiness at some unknown time in the future and just allowed yourself to be happy now? Right this minute. What if you stopped for a moment, released your big BUT, and let yourself feel that happiness which is your natural state?

           

Stop again for another second. Think about a time when you felt genuinely happy. It may have been a special birthday or holiday celebration. Perhaps it was the birth of your own child. Your happiest moment might have occurred when you conquered a fear, reached a goal, performed a loving gesture, or caught the sunlight creating a rainbow in a dewdrop.

           

However you arrive at that moment in time when you felt deeply happy, feel it again. Hold onto it. See how easy it is? Every time you feel down, stressed out, or miserable, pull up that memory and practice feeling your natural state of happiness.

           

Release the hold on your BUT and be happy now.

           

I Am Happy When . . .

In preparation for teaching my Spark Your Happy workshop, I’ve not only read Gretchen Rubin’s book, which provided the impetus for this entire journey, but have also found pleasure in reading, Be Happy: Release the Power of Happiness in You, by Robert Holden, PhD.

Even though I’ve barely begun Holden’s book, I have been led to other resources about happiness. While reading this morning, I asked my husband, Al, about his mentor, John Wooden, and his thoughts on happiness. Al brought out Wooden: A Lifetime of Observations and Reflections On and Off the Court by Coach Wooden with Steve Jamison; the Dalai Lama’s book The Art of Happiness; and Dennis Prager’s, Happiness is a Serious Problem: A Human Nature Repair Manual. Each of these, I am certain, will lead me to others. This makes me happy.

I find happiness in researching and discovering new things about how to improve myself. So, I sat down to answer to Dr. Holden’s Self-Inquiry exercise called “Very Happy” in which he suggests we complete the sentence, “I am very happy when . . .” 10 times.

1. I am very happy when researching interesting topics and learning new insights into ways to improve myself.
2. I am very happy when teaching others about things I am somewhat knowledgeable about. This does not always involve a classroom setting. It may be in the form of simple conversation.
3. I am very happy when watching a student’s face light up when s/he “gets it”, and I realize that I had something to do with that ah-ha moment.
4. I am very happy when visiting my grandchildren and they squeal with excitement at my arrival, jump into my arms, snuggle on my lap, when they tell me stories, and we share how much we love each other.
5. I am very happy when I hear baby giggles. They always make me feel happy. In fact, I may have to include laughter of any kind especially when shared with my loved ones. My oldest son, Brent, seems to find great pleasure in getting me laughing so hard I cry and can hardly breathe.
6. I am very happy when I am held in bear hugs from our sons, Brent and Brian.
7. I am very happy when Al and have intimate talks that lead to feelings of greater closeness and connection.
8. I am very happy when I am sitting outdoors on a balmy summer evening watching an extraordinary sunset.
9. I am very happy when feeling at one with nature whether it’s at the beach, the mountains, or even sometimes in the desert. This happens most frequently when I’m near water be it a stream, a lake or the ocean. I also receive that oneness with the gentle touch of soft breeze, or watching clouds gather into a storm, or catching the scent of pine as I pass near the woods. There are so many times I feel connected to Mother Nature, that it makes me happy just trying to think of them all.
10. I am very happy when feeling the power of being connected to God as evidenced when a warm joy spreads throughout my body and I smile involuntarily at the experience.

How would you finish that sentence? I am very happen when . . .

Please share your thoughts in the comments below.